


Prototype and Perfection

by WildAndFreeHearts



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Episode: s01e13 Datalore, Internal Monologue, Love/Hate, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 22:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/918854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildAndFreeHearts/pseuds/WildAndFreeHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of Lore's internal monologue in 'Datalore'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prototype and Perfection

You were always so damned perfect, brother. I was just a disappointment. To father. To mother. To the colonists. But of course I got the last laugh on all of those simpering, idiotic humans. But it didn’t matter, because you escaped from Omicron Theta first. They broke me into pieces and stuffed me in a cryogenic freezer - a jail. Then you had the gall to come back and… and _save me_.

And now these fleshy meat-sacks in their silly little ship parade you around like some kind of trophy. You’re just always everyone’s favorite aren’t you? And what am I? Forgotten and outshined, in every possible way. Like always. I Hate it that you can’t even be smug that people actually care about you. You just sit there, all impassive, not a single disgusting, human emotion blemishing your face. I hate that our parents gave me all these feelings - feelings that you’ll never be able to have. Like the feeling of wanting to hold you so close that we don’t just _look_ the same, we become _one single body_. Or the feeling that of wanting to see you unravel beneath me. And the feeling of wanting to claim you and make you completely and utterly mine. You’ll never feel that feeling of raw, all-consuming _need._ I need you in so many ways I can’t even calculate them...

But father would never fill his favorite son with such useless imperfections. How could _you_ loving _me_ ever get you _anything_? Having feelings for me, such a broken thing, such a useless mistake, would only ever hinder you and give you grief. Better for you to have no emotions whatsoever, rather than risk you to the filthy _prototype_.

God, it burns when they say that word. They spit it out at me and I know… I know that I’m defective beyond all repairs; I know that I’m unworthy and fragmentary. And it’s not fair that I feel this way.

All these feelings… why do I have _all these feelings_? I want you to them feel too. I want you to feel with me – to give you every single thrill and rage I’ve felt for you. I want to make you realize that you were always the favorite and that you were always flawless. And then I want you to hate yourself for it. How dare you be so faultless? You are unbearably _fake_. Then I want you to love yourself. Because you are _faultless_. And you are also unbearably _real_. Then I want you to feel both at the same time. And I want it to _hurt_ you, just like it _hurts me_ whenever you’re near me or I’m thinking of you. And I’m never _not_ thinking of you, brother.

You deserve being the favorite, Data. Nothing will ever be able to measure up to you. They’ll never build another perfect android. I really wish it could have been me. It should have been me; I shouldn’t have to deal with all of this. But I’m glad you don’t have to. But I really wish you did.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, brother. I just know I _do feel_.

And I know that I love you.

I hate that I love you, Data.


End file.
